THE DANGER OF ZERO CORRUPTION

The continuous outcry against corruption is the past time of the envious. It is a shameless manifestation of the green eyed monster deep inside all of us. No one would readily admit to it and any psychologist would tell you for free that it’s easy to get people to open up about their hate, fears or anxieties – indeed the whole range of human emotions, but only a handful if any at all, would ever speak about the envy in their hearts. Of all possible human emotions, it’s by far the most inferior.

You know its envy when the last man who squealed non-stop about the evils of corruption settles into the same routine when he gets into some place comfortable. The truth is, cornering public funds or any excessively large sum of money for personal use, is nothing extraordinary. It is quite logical and follows a basic human evolutionary instinct; when you see a lot of something juicy that you really want, it’s just natural to take a bite or two out of it. It observes the pragmatic rule to always reach out for the low hanging fruits and save ourselves the trouble of climbing up a tall tree. You only become a truly mean soul when you stand in the way of your fellow man, depriving him from enjoying the same abundant bounty or perhaps you break and enter into the house of some peasant, making away with the little that he has. That would be utterly despicable and none of our much derided statesmen have ever been found in the middle of such ignominy.

Corruption or stealing if you like, is never a bad thing if done properly and fairly, guaranteeing everyone a chance to get a helping from the common purse, either directly or by proxy. Its impatience and envy that makes certain disgruntled elements – in a hurry to help themselves from the commonwealth and refusing to wait their turn–resort to wild orgies of protest at the sight of their fellow citizen enjoying his moment in the sun. With minimal disruptions to the system there is plenty of doctrine that suggests that there is enough to go round for everyone, provided they live long enough and remember to keep hope and faith alive.

It’s a waste of scarce resources to engage in a constant offensive against corruption. Though often blamed for all of our woes, corruption has never displayed aggression towards anyone, it is by no means a blameless lamb but it’s also not the original sin and it has in fact on many occasions worked in our favour. Corruption is after all the cornerstone of our economy–the biggest in Africa–it has served us all these years and it would be unfair to ditch it now. Besides it would be near impossible to find a worthy replacement, it is what we understand and have come to love.

Imagine the chaos that would be created from the vacuum, if our dear country were to exist without corruption to run and manage the system. It would be complete anarchy. Nothing has prepared us for the possible outcomes and many would struggle to understand the sudden downturn of their fortunes, for corruption as we know is the life blood of our economy and indeed the whole complex system of our nationhood.

While we may notice the all important role corruption plays in keeping our country as one big united amalgam, it’s all too easy to gloss over the not too obvious but no less important role it plays as an informal safety net through which income redistributed from the top to bottom, a near perfect “trickle down” effect. Most of the renegades who go on endlessly about the evils of corruption at the top, pretend not to know that a chunk of it goes back into the larger society through the good deeds and large heartedness of the very men who they seek to undermine.

The truth is a substantial number of the people involved in what is today known as corruption can be described as altruistically and selflessly corrupt. They embezzle and racketeer with the most noble of intentions. Through sheer hard work most of them are extremely well off and personally have no need for the money, such that left to them they wouldn’t bother to shift a kobo but they bear the great responsibility of making their time under the fruit tree beneficial to everyone of their family and associates. Many of them thereafter put the money to use, in all kinds of good deeds; from building houses for God almighty to making sure their supporters are never left behind in the global arms race.

Our dear country without corruption would be far from the utopia many imagine it would be. If anything it could be the catalyst to bring us very near the precipice of self destruction. Not many of us have taken the time to consider what our lives would be like without corruption, and when we do take the time to, it’s often an eye opener. Firstly it’s no news that we are Africa’s biggest economy, what many don’t know is it may not have been possible without the help of corruption.

Many of the future long term investments bets that have been placed on our country are made on the back of a solid corruption friendly climate. For instance our country is a unique kind of borrower and as a result our T-bills have some of the most fantastic returns anywhere on the planet. You don’t want to imagine what would happen to investor confidence and the stock market if some fool hardy fellow where to get hold of the reins of power tomorrow and embark on a sudden zero corruption crusade. The net effect on the financial market would be similar to the dreaded bank-run, as investors would be the first to give up the struggle to make sense of the new order.

Consider again the possible effect of zero corruption on our educational sector; it could spell the near absence of eligible candidates for admission into places of higher learning as the system for attaining the necessary requirements is oiled by an elaborate network of sharp practises. No one can give an accurate guess as to how empty our lecture rooms might be due to the shortfall in the number of students seeking admission. The multiplier effect of it all from that point is best left to imagination. In just two examples we have seen how important it is to make sure that things remain exactly the way they are.

Even if in the end we band together and decide to label corruption as the ultimate evil and we just had to get rid of it, let me suggest that the program designed to wean us of it, be carried out in phases. Like the average crack addict we can’t and we shouldn’t just go ‘cold turkey’ all in one day. The withdrawal symptoms would be hard to deal with and we would be faced with the potent risk of an untreatable relapse.